Claustrophobia in the Caves

The ground of fearlessness is fear. In order to be fearless, you have to stand in the middle of your fear.

Larry Rosenberg

the metal door slams.

I’m trapped.

the walls are close

the steps are narrow

so many people

so little air

so far

down

we go

so deep

earth

pressing

in

on

me

the guide turns out the lights to tell us how this section of the cave was discovered

i stay behind the rest of the group, a shadow of fear

I feel myself lightening up a little as the cave widens, and I know the exit is not far

a stalactite chandelier in the Frozen Niagra

Smile, breathe and go slowly.

Nhat Hanh

From the safe distance of a few days, several hundred miles and a bit of perspective, my claustrophobic panic in the Mammoth Cave seems like a bad dream. I have made somewhat of a joke of this fear I have of being trapped, but this two hour tour in Mammoth Cave National Park, called Domes and Dripstones, made me realize how bad my claustrophobia has really become. I made it through the cave tour and was even feeling pretty light at the end, when I knew my exit was near - but I’ve had a residual feeling of panic and resistance afterward. I think it’s time I learn to face this. I understand now that I’m not only afraid of being trapped, but I’m afraid of the panic I experience when feeling trapped. I am afraid of my fear. I can only see that getting worse if I don’t work with it. Do you have any “irrational” fears? Do you have any ideas about how to work with them? I’d love to hear what you think.

Hope you have a great weekend. See you next week!

My last morning at Mammoth Cave it rained, and then a fog blanketed everything.

Breathing

August 13, 2022 A fawn waiting for its brother

Saturday morning

I went down the bluff stairs

To the lake.

It was still dark;

And I was foggy with sleep.

To the north I saw movement-

a silhouette on the beach,

then another-

then two more;

running and pausing

dipping their heads in the water

splashing and shaking it off -

a family of deer

briefly sharing a moment

with me.

August 17, 2022 A tree reaches out to the moon

8/17/2022

Busy days behind and ahead. Social days.  Good days.  But I need some peace in all of this.  Moments to breathe.  The lake in the early morning is my refuge, with the waning moon in the blue sky.  This morning I decided to focus my photography on extremely simple, minimalist subjects to create in pictures what I crave in my life.  Simplicity and space, beauty and quiet.  So here is the moon, the sky and a leafy branch reaching out toward them both.

August 18, 2022 Cedar moss carpets the forest floor

August 18, 2022 Breathing is on my mind this week. I’m listening to Breath by James Nestor, about how we’ve lost the art of breathing well, and how it affects our health. This focusing of my attention has made me feel oddly tense; so today I walked the woods path slowly; and then down to the lake to breathe in the lake air (through the NOSE, of course - if you read the book; you will understand).

August 18, 2022 Just water and sky

August 19, 2022 Dune grass pushing through rocks

August 19, 2022. I saw this little bit of dune grass growing out from under a black stone, perfectly framed by it. Nature’s compositions and nature’s resilience in one image. The grass is growing through a pile of rocks my association brought in to help control the erosion of the bluff. It all looked unnatural for awhile, until suddenly - it didn’t .

August 19, 2022 Downcast Sunflower

August 19, 2022 Saugatuck

Just a week ago there were so many sunflowers blooming here; now there are only a few.  Summer is waning. And this lonely remaining blossom, not fully open, bows its head.

August 21, 2022 Corn field under overcast sky

August 21, 2022 On my Sunday long run i ran on farm roads. Quiet and solitary. Simple. Feeling every step, counting my breaths ( yes, i do) .

August 21, 2022 A roll of hay in a green field

August 21, 2022 Grasshopper on the glass door

August 21, 2022 I came home from my run and found a pretty green grasshopper on my front door; then realized his leg was broken; which was why he didn’t jump away while I was getting in close with my camera. I felt protective ; but couldn’t figure out how to help. By Monday, he was gone. I don’t know what happened. Life is so precious and uncertain.

August 21, 2022 Close up of grasshopper and reflection

August 21, 2022 Grasshopper from the side

August 22, 2022 A lost feather in the setting sun

August 22, 2022 A lost feather I stood up in the sand., vanes almost tickling the light of the setting sun.